Panic at the Disco

Living in a perpetual state of fear and upset is really hard. Mummybells instincts ring loudly but teenagedom is blossoming into adulthood. I want to trust her and give her independence and space but I also want to keep her safe. I don't want to be living like this. 

Middle 17, went out yesterday telling me she would be back on the last bus for pick up. She was going with a friend, she didn't know exactly where, she knew it was some kind of reading or media thing maybe library or bookshop. Her friend was taking her. Her friend is studying media. She's been going many places herself recently. I was going to contact the other mum, my friend, but I didn't press it. I don't want to be living like this.

Around 7pm, the other mum messages and asks if I know where they are because her daughter was vague and her location was off. I checked mine and although it wasn't fully on it did show where she was. 

It was an Art centre. All arts in Scotland are captured. I googled the place, found their insta and what was on the 6th, made my heart sink and my panic rise. Twice. Not only was a sign making class on for trans protests, it was also primarily an antisemitic antizionist sign making class in the guise of pro Palestinian. This Arts centre has also been investigated by the terrorism dpt of Police Scotland. I don't want to be living like this. 

Trying not to go full on mama bear, husband messaged and explained why the venue might not be safe and that we think she shouldn't be there without alluding to how problematic the trans path is. She doesn't respond at first. I can feel my anger rising too. Then she does. No signal inside. Turns out they are in a different thing at the same venue. A viewing of a film called The Mother the Son the Rat and the Gun. I relax a little. I google the film. Is this film glorifying violence and inciting? Are they discussing it after in connection with LGBT pro-pally stuff? I'm worrying again. I can't find any mention of the event. I don't want to be living like this. 

The question then becomes whether we believe her that she didn't know where she was going. It's plausible. She would have no knowledge of the terrorism investigation but if we had known where she really was going we would have educated her in more safety measures. Tbh I probably wouldn't have let her go and therein lies our parenting problems due to ideologies infecting our lives. I don't want to be living like this. 

Husband spoke to her when he picked her up. She went for the film, she didn't know it was a place with antisemitic things, she followed her friend there to see the film, she didn't see anything problematic when she was there, the people were ok with her. We told her they might not have been ok if they knew she was jewish, she said she was just following her friend. She said they left before the end, because they had to get the last bus, she said the film was complicated and a bit violent.

So many problems, so many worries. Too many ideologies. I don't want to be living like this.