My babies are still struggling and society is still helping them ruining themselves

"There are many aspects of my identity that are important to me, being both Jewish and queer means that sometimes it feels like I have to choose between being true to myself and meeting others expectations. People seem to have a set idea of what a Jewish boy is, and because I don't fall into that idea I often feel like i have to explain or justify my identity to others. A specific time when this occurred was at school, a younger year came up to me and said something and i could not answer, i look back on that experience and i wish i had told them that just because they do not understand me, it doesn’t mean that i am any different than them.

Over the years i have learned to not shy away when someone asks about my identity, if i am not proud then no one else will be. By facing this challenge head on, i’ve found resilience and strength in myself to be able to answer people and to accept myself."

Ok, so I read what you wrote, and I want you to know how proud I am of your courage. You’ve faced judgment, confusion, and pressure, and instead of shrinking, you’ve found strength. That’s not something everyone learns at 17. You’ve got grit, heart, and a voice that matters.

I also know you’re trying to make sense of who you are, and that’s not easy. You’ve said you feel like you don’t fit the idea people have of a “Jewish boy,” and that you’ve had to explain yourself again and again. I hear that. I know how painful it is to feel misunderstood.

But I need to say something that comes from love, not rejection. I don’t see you as a boy. I see you as my daughter, complex, brilliant, and full of fire. I know you might not feel that way right now, and I’m not asking you to pretend. I’m asking you to pause.

Sometimes, when people feel out of place or unseen, they start looking for ways to change themselves to feel more understood. That’s human. But if you ever start thinking about making changes to your body, I hope you’ll come to me first, not because I want to control you, but because I want you to have all the facts. There are real risks and side effects, and I want you to be fully informed, not rushed or influenced by pressure. What I fear most is you feeling like you have to go through something that big alone, or behind our backs. You don’t. You never have to hide from me.

You don’t have to be a boy to be strong. You don’t have to change your body to be proud. You don’t have to fit anyone’s idea of what a Jewish girl, or a queer person, should be. You are already enough.

I’m not saying this to win an argument. I’m saying it because I love you more than words can hold. I want you to explore who you are, but I also want you to be safe, to be whole, and to know that you never have to go through this alone.

Let’s talk. Let’s read. Speak to Dr Kee who won’t push you one way or the other. I won’t shut you down, and I won’t walk away. But I will keep showing up with my truth, because that’s what love does.

You are not broken. You are not a problem to solve. You are my child, and I will always fight for you, even when that means asking hard questions.

With all my love,  

Yer Maw