Cautiously still

My jubilance is almost upon me but I remain cautious still.

Yesterday mornings news regarding the GRA which I caught at 2am round my fire sent my vindication terfidity soaring through the damp Scottish sky.

I'd learned that I had 'Peak Transed' around February when in desperation one day I called Stephanie from Trangendered Trend. I only realised this a few days ago when I heard and found out what it meant to Peak Trans. I was advised to go on mumsnet 😱😂 thankfully I probably won't need to now!!!

I spent my kids lives as they were growing up, telling them that colours are for everyone, you can wear what you want, clothes don't define you and be who you want as society doesn't define you either. You can love who you want as long as you are not hurting anyone.

Name changing is all the rage at the moment. It's in some cases a childish desire for autonomy, self identity, confidence, a change, an excitement and sometimes it's a step towards being Transed by a misguided and confusing agenda and subject that I do not think my children should be introduced to at a young age.

Since when did it stop being my choice what my children are being indoctrinated by?

When my eldest went to high school joined the LGBQTI lunch time club, there were meetings and conferences and my kids acquired many colourful flags and badges and validation for being ASD/different/quirky.

For the last few years, we have been immersed in the whole shebang. My kids are so confused and explorative and inclusive and caring and adamant they are right. Eldest has changed from gay to bisexual to now non binary (wtaf is that anyway!) and the middle has been self harming wanting to be a boy. The youngest 8 just goes along with whatever makes her siblings (can't say sisters now,) happy.

I'm so bone tired from it all, having to balance their needs and support them whilst also being GC is really hard. Lots of confusion, arguing, understanding, talking and storming off.

I feel so bad for my parents now. It's a nightmare time for teenagers to be young and impressionable and impulsive 🙄I'm sure we weren't this bad lol

I spoke personally to Stephanie at Transgendered Trend in February when this all finally blew up at home and we found out about the reason for the self harming.

I talked for ages on the way to work one day in a traffic jam..she was brilliant but put the fear of G-d in me by compounding everything I had been researching up until that point.

I guess I reached Peak Trans. I ended up in an absolute state, consoled by boss, who understood my situation but really if you haven't 'experienced' your child wanting to die and cut themselves AND be a boy then you can't truly 'get it'. I was sent home, straight to docs, put on medication and basically been a living hell since. I was just almost turning around from my miscarriage and subsequent realisation that this is the end for my womb and her wombfullness and I was hit with another crisis.

Middle had been seeing an IHeart therapist last year which helped her in other ways as it wasn't a 'specific' talking therapy. We tried to get help from CAHMS and school. CAHMS said no, no previous mental health issues. School were great but educatiom and beuracratic systems run slow and I basically heard the news (that I had been waiting almost two months for) that the school educational psychologist doesn't deal with self harm only educational issues. I am fairly sure if covid19 hadn't happened, her education would have suffered.

The GP was seeing her weekly. Saw her twice. Then covid19 happened. She was starting some art therapy at school. Then covid19 happened.

I was more relieved than ever when the schools closed and not just because of covid19.

Now, I just need reassurances that schools and other authorities are going to help sort this mess out and help my family feel less shell shocked by the whole experience.

I have absolutely no issues with gay, lesbian even bisexual but I draw the line at transing my kids.

I draw the line at other ideas and theories about this confusing time for our children NOT being allowed to be discussed by professionals. Their only alternative is affirmation of trans route. I draw the line at changing the lived in time from 2yrs to 3/6 months. I draw the line st age changing from 18 to 16. I draw the line at my kids being transed behind my back by social media, school and the Government.

I am, as ever supportive of my children's gender journey even though it freaks me out often. I discussed things regarding LGBTQI with lesbian and straight and gay friends to make sure I wasn't pushing my agenda or stepping on my kids boundaries for TWO years. We ate and breathed LGBQTI we talked about it at the dinner table, for a long long time it was the only thing the eldest would talk about, we tried to support. We went on Pride March, we got her the badges and the flags and we listened but things just turned scary and escalated in a way I couldn't understand or keep up with. In a way that seemed scary and misguided to me.

I've lost IRL friends over this but you know, I'm used to it now with my strong views lol

I feel kind of vindicated and worried all at the time.

Now I am worried for all those young kids who are being fed the biological sex lie and that transing is safe and harmless and were hanging their lives on this life affirming and life changing stuff...life or death for some of those kids who are about to be 16 and who are not able to handle this news.

Now, I'm educating myself again and wondering what is the next step for families caught up in this...what are the school going to do to even out this confusing mess for our children?

.

....what a damn mess for everyone.

Written in June 2020 when both my children age 10 and 11 came to me, after months of self harming and being deeply unhappy and confused to tell me they were now trans.