Binder Chats and Consideration

Diary of binder blindness

1.7.21

Just had 'chat' with middle child suggesting she keep her binder off for the summer. We, her mum and dad, worry that it's not healthy for a growing body to be so restricted at such a young preteen age. We know she has done her research so we would like to see it, because we have also researched and it worries us. 😟 Told her all about my teenage dream of desperately wanting a flat tummy and how *THAT* was the only thing that I thought would make my life actually perfect. I would finally be happy with the me I was and have become. I asked her if she thought she has body dysmorphia. Maybe? was the tiny voice response that had so much courage and strength in it as the first ever real verbal response to our 'chats' over the years. Now I feel stupid for bringing up that same old story of my 80's pain. I never once wanted to squash and distort my body away. I had dreams of magically cutting my fat off, of waking one day and magically I would have that flat belly. With each vomit I would imagine this was the day I would do it. I wanted to feel more confident and happy with what I actually had, never once felt I wasn't who I was born. How could my pain help hers? How can I compare my experiences to wanting to look the 'perfect' shape as a growing woman to her struggle and have her feel supported when I simply don't understand it. I need a new story. Or at least a new angle. Poor child only came to ask me again, not in any way obsessively, about the arrangements for later. I said no more. She left silently. In reality I wanted to demand she take it off and scream you are too young. Shout from the rooftops....This is not about being transgender, your puberty has been hijacked and you are the victim my sweet darling baby. I didn't I have simply asked her to stop wearing it. I've probably set us all back with my, all be them valid, feelings and worries.

7.7.21

I'm so sorry. My darling child. I'm sorry you feel I am not supporting you because I am unable to support you in asked you to give your body a rest over the holidays your delusion. I'm truly sorry you are unable to talk to me.

I'm sorry I don't see transwomen as women. I'm sorry I don't subscribe to this new science that promotes a biological untruth. I'm sorry I could not be on board enough with the name change. I'm sorry I asked to see your research on the safety of binders. I'm sorry I asked you to give them to us, so your body could have a rest/break during the summer. I'm sorry you feel you wouldn't be able stop yourself harming yourself if I made you give them up. That's a massively strong statement you made and I heard it. I'm sorry I pushed you into that corner.

I'm sorry you have been caught up in all of this new ideology and I'm sorry we weren't able to protect you from it.

All in all I'm sorry we are in this sorry mess.😭

4.2.23

Intercepted another binder 

Am I doing the right thing? 

The one she has is very old, I suppose it loses it's elasticity over time?? That would be good though. Does it, anyone know?

A new one would be tighter but cleaner.

😫 they didn't warn us about this parenting quandary.

16.8.23

My middle wore the binder for over a year and finally, one night, after I found out she wasn't binding safely (oxymoron) I just lost it. I couldn't allow her to damage her body anymore. I realised she was so captured that she was unable to make safe decisions. She would never hear me or take it off herself, so as her mum, it was up to me to help her. So that night, I sneaked into her room. Fortified with fear and anger at this idefuckingology, I took all the binders I could find. 

My advice: get rid of binders, deal with the fallout don't back down