Recovering by numbers

It's ok isn't it that eldest and I haven't spoken since July 5th and even sporadically before that and I'm kinda ok with it? In the quiet of the house during the wet summer, as both kids are away I find it hard to not think about my children. 

Last time we saw each other, it was cordial, she even smiled and didn't say anything snarky. We didn't talk about her blocking me on WhatsApp or the x post. 

Hubby went to see her the other day when we got home from holiday. This is her first year that she didn't come with us. Neither of us particularly wanted her to come this time and to say it out loud to each other was actually quite a relief! Last year she had been really horrible with youngest and quite difficult all together. I knew I didn't have the energy this year, due to my chronic illnesses, to manage the daily situations and I think my husband knew he couldn't do it alone.

He asked her about any Dr appointment. I can't work out how he managed to get that into a conversation and she only mentioned GP for tummy issue. Neither brought up gender clinic. Why didn't he??? He doesn't want to know. 

Anyway I'm more conflicted that I'm actually ok with it just now. I'm happy to message her but if she's not going to respond then I kind of think fuck her! That's probably not great! 🙄