me so dumbo

Despite my best intentions and efforts I now realise my 14hr birth was a mistake. I actually had a son. How couldn't I have seen that for the last 19½yrs? I must be some kind of useless failure of an idiot mother? 

Telling my children that sex is assigned at birth is such a wonderful idea, not confusing in the slightest. Even though mother's already know from 10wks what sex their baby is going to be, bar chromosomal abnormalities, it's amazing and so incredible that we tell children that adults don't truly know, so that when the baby is born they all get to decide!!! Like some kind of genie computer game!! What fun!!! 

Sex is oopsie arbitrarily assigned at birth and gender identity is fixed in the womb. It makes perfect sense.

I am the mother of a 19½yr old man. I wasn't looking properly the whole 7yrs of breastfeeding we did, 3 years tandem with my other didn't realise son. When we bed shared for a decade it must have slipped my mind. Right up until that one time in 2020 when my 12yr old autistic son ravaged his body with many many many blade cuts. That really should have shown me what I should have already known. How blind am I?

Now I know. Now I realise. This is what it takes.

Now I decide. I must somehow accept I birthed a wrong baby. My child is wrong, their body is wrong, their soul is wrong, my child is wrong , my child is born in the wrong body. The wrong body, because during my pregnancy myself and G-d made a wrong child inside me, I sustained and grew a wrong baby, I birthed a wrong innocent, helpless being at 36weeks. Silly me.