altered perception every one

I hate that my perception has been altered due to this ideology. Nvm our kids. We've been affected too. Everything is tinged with fear and suspicion. 😢

Hubby told me the other day that eldest was coming over on Friday and my first reaction was NO! I couldn't understand why I had such a visceral reaction when nothing terrible has happened recently. We're not arguing about anything. Communication is ok. The only thing is she has refused every invitation over the least few months.

I brought it up with my therapist and I came to the realisation that I was having a ptsd like response and because things are in a lull here and because there haven't been any transbombs from eldest for a while ( there was middle's legal name change recently) my spidey senses are tingling. 

My therapist gently reminded me that if it happens, I will collapse but I will regain my composure and emotional resilience and come back fighting and stronger.

I don't want to go through another one. I can't take it. I'm so worn down by this ideological battle.

Please G-d don't let it be another transbomb tonight. 🙏