Could you accept?

My therapist keeps wanting me to think about how we will be and what we will do if my two daughters do go on testosterone or have a doubke mastectomy. It's an impossible scenario to imagine and know how I would be. My gut and every part of my being thinks, right now, if it did happen, I would not be able to be involved in their lives knowing what they are doing to their health and bodies. I can't work out how I would support them knowing it's ruining them. I feel suicidal just thinking about it. I know she wants me to come to some kind of peace with it all but I just can't. I know it's ruining my life at the moment and even though I am using this time to try and further our connection and stegthen our bonds as much as possible, I don't feel it's making any difference to their gender path choices.

As parents, we feel caught in a relentless cycle of uncertainty. Each new letter, call or move towards the gender clinic reignites the trauma, leaving us braced for the worst. It is as though we are living in a state of perpetual PTSD, unable to find peace or stability, because even small things carry the possibility of another transbomb to our family’s wellbeing.