Ai anguish

I'm searching for something important and I come across a story my eldest wrote in the midst of our trans identity turmoil. Age 12 in 1st yr high school.  I wondered, once again, if trans hadn't been injected into every part of my children's autstic childhood, how would things have unfolded? Where would all their uncomfortable puberty feelings and physical experiences have gone? How would they have dealt with them? Would they have come to us more and talked with us and let us help them? If they hadn't been told by the trans community that we were the enemy, would I still have been the enemy? 

I put the story into chatgp to check if it had come from a trans related tv or film or book. It hadn't and some of the themes were from films, things in her life and whatnot of that time. All very age and stage.

I then asked what would a psychotherapist and what would a psychiatrist say?

I then asked if they would diagnose gender dysphoria from this. I know I know it's a snapshot of one moment in her life. I know it's Ai, I know it's not a full picture. I know. However, something was clearly going on for them, yet whilst all around us were telling us to affirm, something inside our hearts told us we shouldn't. So we didn't. We watchful waited and waited and we're still waiting. They're still ideating. We're still supportive loving parents. We never neglected or abused them. They had extraordinary fantastic childhood memories and some difficult loses and experiences. But if something that is an adult agenda hadn't been pushed on my little girls....

"....none of this story on its own would justify a diagnosis of gender dysphoria or predict a future trans identification."

I know 😞😭