It's Too Late Baby Now

Showed my friend the packer pic. Today, I realised it's for peeing out of too, and all I can think is it will have remnants of pee left over inside it, unless she is able to clean and dry it. The thought of which makes me boke and cry. My friend says so she'll be going aboot reekin' a pish (way stronger Scots accent than me). She makes me laugh, and she was saying it as if that might stop her, but the reality is making my heart sieze. 

My therapist said she doesn't know what to say. What can she say? Nothing helpful. Except I'm probably going to have to watch this happen and let her go through the process. That's not helpful. 

I'm going to have to find another way to live for the next five years with my babies on this path. I can't go on the way I am. I can't live like this is my own home, pretending it's not happening. Hoping and praying our love and connection is enough.

 I can't keep so detached and silent anymore. We have to discuss this properly as a family. I can't see how though, I think it's too late. 


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